СЕКТА КАЧКОВ. Введение в бодибилдинг для «чайников».

секта качков

секта качков

Первая версия этого текста получила широкое распространение среди соответствующих «сектантов». Спустя несколько месяцев мы решили его дописать и дополнить — специально для «Зожника» и всех, кто хочет получить бодрый экскурс в то, что из себя представляет мир бодибилдинга.

СВЯТАЯ ТРОИЦА БОДИБИЛДИНГА

Жим, становая, присед — три базовых упражнения, используя которые можно добиться практически любых результатов и развить абсолютно все мышцы. Все три упражнения вместе называются «база», и тот, кто их не делает, по определению в секту не входит и является лишь объектом снисходительных усмешек среди настоящих адептов.

Итак, внимание, еще раз — святая троица бодибилдинга:

ПРИСЕД

ЖИМ

СТАНОВАЯ ТЯГА

И что бы ни писала хамоватая блогер-звезда, что бы ни говорили вам соседка/сосед/брат/сват/гад, знайте — жим, становая и присед — вот три самых эффективных упражнения для построения красивого тела. И мужского, и женского. Хочешь стройные ноги или накачанные — для всего этого все равно нужна «база». Доказано любым продвинутым любителем или спортсменом.

При этом помните, что все остальные упражнения в зале, включая любые из сотни тренажеров в зале, — всего лишь вспомогательные и нужны, чтобы лишь усилить эффект от «базы».

Да, безусловно, можно упереться рогом и принципиально не используя базу накачать себе достойное тело. Но на это потребуется намного больше усилий и протеина.

В общем, «база» обязательна в том числе и для девочек, если они хотят быть настоящими адептами качковской секты — стройными и красивыми.

фотография приседающей фитоняшки в розовых шортах

Возраст тоже не помеха для игнорирования «святой троицы».

фотография бабушки со штангой

Из сектантского юмора про «базу»:

фотография про то, что нужно делать базу

Знак отличия адепта — это тело, оно же крест, который гордо носят. Объем мышц — как воинское звание, проработанность — как палетка с наградами: негласные знаки отличия и иерархии.

ХРАМ

Зал — это храм. А еще точнее — House of pain (дословно: «дом боли», а еще есть такая хип-хоп группа). И наведываться в него надо не менее 3-х раз в неделю, иначе ты не настоящий адепт, а просто балуешься.фотография демотиватора про присед и тягу

Продвинутые спортсмены, готовящиеся к выдающимся результатам, тренируются каждый день по 1 или 2 раза, как Шварценеггер.

За посещение надо платить — в зависимости от правил каждого зала. Смешно, но в России спортзалы одни из самых дорогих в мире. Например, в США в центре Нью-Йорка легко найти спортзалы за $20-30 в месяц. В Санкт-Петербурге в центре приличные залы стоят от $1000 в год, в Москве — дороже. Выбрать фитнес-зал по вкусу и цене удобно здесь.

Кстати, очень важный момент для выбора правильного фитнес-зала — сколько там оборудования для «базы». Как ни странно, есть залы, которые на тысяче-другой квадратных метрах держат всего лишь 1 или 2 силовые рамы, необходимые сектантам для приседа, пару скамеек для жима и полностью отсутствует помост для становой. При этом — до горизонта (бывает, что и под сотню) разного рода тренажеров, бассейн и куча залов с групповыми занятиями. Если хотите заниматься серьезно — бегите подальше от таких «спортзалов».

Вот такой будет эффективнее:

фотография суровой русской лавки для жима и штанги

А вот тут — вся фотоподборка доморощенных спортзалов.

В общем, кто не хочет — ищет причину, почему не делает, кто хочет — просто делает.

ЕДА

Еда в качковской России культ в культе — и отношение к тому, что ты ешь, строже, чем у иудеев. Основная мантра здесь: больше белка (яйца, рыба, мясо), меньше простых углеводов (сахар) и ненасыщенных жиров (майонез, масло). Именно секта качков, как никакая другая, близка к практическому применению фразы «ты — то, что ты ешь».

фотография еды качка

Дневной рацион крупного «сектанта».

Куриные грудки, рыба, рис, творог — пищевые святыни качка. Майонез, торты-пирожные, всё что угодно в кляре, жире, тесте — всего этого настоящие бодибилдеры не едят. А на тех, кто ест, смотрят с отвращением или жалостью — в зависимости от ситуации.

При этом «сектанты» гордятся тем, что в отличие от остальных людей могут себе это изредка позволить без ущерба для фигуры. Это называется «день зажора», когда можно все, без последствий для тела и совести.

Качки могут часами обсуждать правильную еду, поголовно умеют готовить и едят по 5-6 раз в день (да, перекус пачкой творога — тоже еда).

сектантский юмор

Из сектантского юмора.

сектантский юмор 2

главные вещи в нашей жизни

Снова немного самоиронии.

«НА СУШКЕ» И «НА МАССЕ»

Пост сектанта называется «сушка». Сушка — это 2-6-месячный процесс уменьшения доли жира в организме за счет тренировок и строгой диеты. Вместе с жиром уходит и часть мышечной массы (несмотря на тренировки). К сожалению, это неизбежная потеря ради красоты тела. Сам процесс обычно проходит один раз в год или несколько — если нужно выступать на соревнованиях.

Вот так выглядит один и тот же человек на массе и после сушки:

фотография качка на массе и после сушки

А вот так выглядел мой тренер Александр до и после сушки:

фотография тренера александра

тренер александр после сушки

Внутри огромного и пухлого (на взгляд наивного обывателя) человека под слоем жировых тканей скрывается облаченное в мышцы тело. Его надо просто «проявить». При этом бывает, что у человека есть жир, а мышц нет, тогда и проявлять нечего.

Вообще вот так выглядит разный процент жира в организме:как выглядит разный процент жира в организме

Известна даже легенда, когда один спортсмен изнурительными процедурами доводил себя до 1% жира в организме. Из-за чего и умер.

Та же фотка с процентами жира, но про женщин:

процент жира у женщин

процент жира у женщин 2

Средний процент телесного жира зависит от пола и возраста. Из-за эстрогена у женщин на 5% больше жира, чем у мужчин. У средней представительницы прекрасного пола приблизительно 23% жира, а у среднестатистического самца — 17%. За более низкий процент жира приходится дорого платить здоровьем — вот, что об этом рассказывает выступающая «бикинистка» Татьяна Прокофьева.

Кстати, еще одна важная особенность жира — он гораздо легче мышц. Вот так выглядит килограмм жира по сравнению с килограммом мышц:

килограмм жира и килограмм мышц

Соответственно, один и тот же человек с одинаковым ростом и весом может выглядеть совершенно по-разному:

как выглядят разные 120 килограмм на человеке

Обратный сушке процесс называется «на массе», когда для образования новых мышц необходим в том числе и жир. «На массе» можно позволить себе отъедаться так, как девушкам, не состоящим в секте, только снится.

То есть каждый настоящий сектант практически всегда находится или «на сушке» (избавляется от жира и части мышц), или «на массе» (увеличивает объем мышц, держа определенный уровень жира в организме).

skinny fat

А это «жир без мышц» или skinny fat. Типичный пример худой, но жирной девушки, которая далека от спортзала. Такими становятся все игнорирующие спорт красотки после 30 или даже раньше.

Вообще процент жира в организме качка относительно легко изменяемое число. Это возможно благодаря мышцам, которые легко «сжигают» лишний жир. Если держать дневную калорийность в нужных рамках — высушишься и увидишь свои рельефные мышцы, если калорийность увеличить — вырастут новые мышцы, но и жирка прибавится.

ПРОРОКИ

шварцнеггер с девушкой

Его величество Арнольд Шварценеггер — типичная живая легенда, о которой знают, кажется, все в мире.

Фотография Андрея Скоромного

Андрей Скоромный.

Но чем дальше ты погружаешься в секту, тем больше ты знаешь, кто такие наши Андрей Скоромный и Оксана Гришина или зарубежные Ронни Колеман или Джей Катлер.

Фотография Кирилла Сарычева без бороды

Кирилл Сарычев не просто большой сам по себе, он жмет от груди больше всех в России (315 кг).

Александр (1952г.р.) и Дмитрий (1977г.р.) Яшанькины

Александр (1952 г.р.) и Дмитрий (1977 г.р.) Яшанькины.

А это многократный победитель Mr.Olympia Фил Хит:

фил хит

Продвинутые сектанты говорят, что в своей лучшей форме Арнольд Шварценеггер не вошел бы даже в состав финалистов нынешнего чемпионата мира — Mr. Olympia — слишком вырос уровень (и уровень препаратов в том числе).

ОСНОВНЫЕ СЕКТАНТСКИЕ ТЕЧЕНИЯ

Как внутри каждого направления церкви, например, у христиан (протестанты, католики, православные и, конечно, баптисты), у секты качков есть свои направления и течения, конкурирующие и местами яро не понимающие друг друга.

Среди мужчин есть два основных конкурирующих направления: бодибилдинг и пауэрлифтинг. Бодибилдинг направлен на внешность и развитие максимальной мышечной массы. Пауэрлифтинг ставит на первое место результат и направлен на возможность поднять максимальное количество килограммов в трех базовых упражнениях (жим, присед, становая). Поэтому «лифтёры» посмеиваются над «билдерами», а те подкалывают их в ответ.

Среди женщин «лифтёров» не так много, и основная конкуренция течений — это разные ответы на вопрос, насколько много мышц может быть у женщины. Грубо говоря, таких варианта у женщин есть три. Самая близкая к обычной жизни категория: fitness bikini — это проработанные «няшки», которые нравятся не только сектантам, но и практически всем остальным жителям Земли.

Представительницы направления fintess bikini выглядят так:

кащеева

Яна Кащеева — абсолютная чемпионка России в номинации «Фитнес-бикини»

Вот тут смотрите инстаграмы самых знаменитых фитнес-бикини в России.

Следующая по количеству мышц женская категория — body fitness и fitness. Женщины, соревнующиеся в этой категории, выглядят примерно вот так:

body fitness

Оксана Гришина, 1 место на Arnold Classic 2012 и 2 место на Mr.Olympia 2012 в категории Fitness, в настоящее время живет в Калифорнии.

Наконец, есть у женщин и категория «бодибилдинг», где мышечная масса участниц не ограничена ничем. В результате участницы — все поголовно на мужских гормонах — выглядят примерно так. Именно из-за представительниц этой категории девушки-сектантки подвергаются гонениям и чмырению в соцсетях (кстати, характерно только для России).

Ленда Мюррей восьмикратная победительница соревнований "Мисс Олимпия", родилась в 1962г. в Детройте

Ленда Мюррей, восьмикратная победительница соревнований «Мисс Олимпия», родилась в 1962 г. в Детройте

В целом, посмотреть отличия между разными категориями девушек можно тут:

Впрочем, любителей женской категории «бодибилдинг» мизерное количество даже среди самых ярых качков. Причина симпатий к таким женщинам кроется скорее всего в многолетней профессиональной психологической деформации качков.

ГОНЕНИЯ ДЕВУШЕК-СЕКТАНТОК

Но вернемся к более скромным мышечным формам. Типичная «замануха» в секту выглядит примерно так и, кстати, почти всегда является чистой правдой:

девушки сектантки

Или так:

девушки сектантки 2

Для мужчин так:

похудение до и после

Сделать то, что показано на этих фото, удивительно просто: 3 раза в неделю зал с тренером и режим правильного питания. Но есть одна проблема, характерная только для нашей страны, где почти всем есть дело до каждого. Видимо, благодаря разительным переменам к лучшему, находится огромное количество людей в интернете, которые напишут девушке, занимающейся бодибилдингом: «плечи как у мужика», «ноги как у штангистки», «мало женственности», «а где сиськи» и прочие, иногда намного более грубые слова.

демотиватор

Самое плохое, что многие слабые духом девушки, которые вроде и не прочь по-серьезному заняться своим телом в спортзале, боятся таких гонений. А самое главное, находятся в плену наивного страха, что как только возьмутся за штангу — их мышцы мгновенно раздуются.

ПРЕПАРАТЫ

Бабушки или родители сектантов, увидев огромные цветные банки с крупными надписями снаружи и белым порошком внутри, сразу же хватаются за сердце, а кто-то за валидол — по наклонной пошел сынок (внучок, внучка, дочка). И практически невозможно объяснить им, что в банке —обычный белок, который можно было бы заменить рыбой, курицей, креветками, — только проще и дешевле.

протеин

Вот так выглядит банка с белковой пищевой добавкой.

демотиватор спортпит

Кроме белков в огромных банках «сектанты» частенько принимают разнообразные аминокислоты (составляющие белков) типа BCAA (так называемые «бэцэашки» — три незаменимые аминокислоты, грубо говоря, «те же белки, только другие») и, к примеру, креатин (азотсодержащая карбоновая кислота, которая по своей сути также является белком и участвует в энергетическом обмене в мышечных и нервных клетках. Используется для увеличения силы, мышечной массы и кратковременной аэробной выносливости с доказанной безопасностью).

демотиватор протеин

Страничка сектантского юмора.

Анаболические стероиды применяют почти все профессиональные спортсмены, но об этом не принято говорить с обычными людьми.

Во-первых, из-за запрещенности этих препаратов. За покупку/продажу «препаратов» или «витаминок» (как их называют профессиональные спортсмены) в России с 2003 года предусмотрено наказание от штрафа в несколько тысяч рублей до лишения свободы на срок до 8 (!) лет. Согласитесь, это очень удобно для суда и так по-российски — можно назначить штраф в 10 тысяч, а можно посадить на 8 лет. В целом, когда каждый гражданин — преступник, это очень удобно и комфортно для государства. Естественно, нашего.

Во-вторых, из-за негативного имиджа, связанного с возможными побочными эффектами, которые могут возникать из-за несоблюдения режима и дозы приема.

Более того, среди спортсменов, которые не применяют стероиды, проводятся специальные соревнования по «natural bodybuilding». Но, глядя на бугры мышц участников, в чистоту эксперимента верится с трудом.

ЗАБЛУЖДЕНИЯ «ПОДСНЕЖНИКОВ»

«Храм боли» открыт для всех и всегда. Но далеко не все, кто пробовал, втягиваются в секту, и каждый год по весне зал наполняется молодой порослью — «подснежниками», на которых настоящие адепты смотрят с плохо скрываемым превосходством. Но стоит отличать новичков от «подснежников». Последние занимаются максимум два-три месяца и даже не пытаются овладеть техникой упражнений. Быть новичком совсем не стыдно, качки — добродушные ребята и всегда рады дать совет. Только с «подснежниками» одна беда — советов они не просят, не слушают, а на тренере почти всегда экономят, что делает их занятия в 95% случаев бессмысленными.

ТИПИЧНЫЕ ОШИБКИ И ЗАБЛУЖДЕНИЯ ПОДСНЕЖНИКОВ

1. Пухлые посетители спортзала часами ходят на беговой дорожке, думая, что это поможет им «быть в тонусе». Кардио упражнения потому и называются «кардио», потому что они тренируют сердце и сосуды. Но если цель — сжечь жир, то ходьба, бег и иже с ними — наименее эффективные методы.

ошибки женщин в представлении силовых тренировок

2. Девочки не занимаются на тренажерах, с гантелями и штангами, думая, что у них могут неожиданно вырасти огромные мышцы. Случайно это произойти никак не может. Без специальных препаратов даже годы упорных ежедневных тренировок не помогут мышцам вырасти за пределы категории fitness bikini.

3. Люди качают пресс, думая согнать жир с живота. Согнать жир в каком-то конкретном месте невозможно. Жир сходит равномерно со всего тела и последнее место, откуда он уйдет у мужчины — низ живота, а у женщины обычно дольше всего он задерживается на ногах и попе. Еще раз: локального жиросжигания не существует — и вот почему.

4. «Подснежники» ждут результата немедленно. Да, у новичков прогресс заметен довольно быстро, но первых серьезных результатов нужно ждать не менее двух месяцев. И это при условии, что пациент будет соблюдать правила здорового питания и заниматься в зале не менее трех раз в неделю.

популярные запросы в яндексе со словом как накачаться

6. Наконец, «подснежники» часто не выполняют неписанные правила спортзала, чем раздражают адептов: занимаются в тапочках, не разбирают штанги, перешагивают штангу, не разминаются, придумывают новые упражнения и делают много того, что описано в тексте на Зожнике: «12 правил: как не выглядеть лохом в спортзале».

В целом результат от правильных занятий с тренером и правильного питания начинает быть видимым через 3 месяца, через год — вы уже совсем другой по форме тела человек. Если заниматься без знаний, тренера и культуры еды, то адептом можно так и не стать, и внешне остаться таким же, каким пришел в зал.

ЮМОР И ДЕДОВЩИНА

У адептов качковской России своя атмосфера и юмор, и крутится он вокруг всего вышеобозначенного: еды, пищевых добавок, приоритета спортзала над остальной жизнью, «витаминок».

демотиватор про причины хождения в спортзал

безуглеводная диета

демотиватор про мужчин и женщин и секс

Первым делом носители правильного учения и тела посмеиваются над весенней волной «подснежников» (новичков), которые приходят в храм тела и боли с собственными представлениями о том, как надо заниматься:

 

В целом, над новичками посмеиваются, но уважают тех, кто серьезно встал на путь истинный.

Как говорил магистр Йода: Do or do not.There Is No Try. Что в переводе значит: Делай или не делай. Нет никаких «попробую».

Краткий экскурс закончен ( :

807c0mrhAfY

Подписыватесь на Зожник в Фейсбуке:

Или ВКонтакте, и будьте здоровы и красивы.

 

Читайте также на Зожнике:

Атлетическая анорексия, дранкорексия и другие модные диагнозы

5 фактов о расстройствах пищевого поведения

11 заблуждений людей, которые не верят в калории

Как лечил нас доктор Брэгг

Мифы о еде: токсины

 

Расскажите друзьям:

СЕКТА КАЧКОВ. Введение в бодибилдинг для «чайников».: 81 комментарий

  1. Andrey

    все так, сама суть…от души посмеялся в финале )))

  2. mumuka

    ребята, почините, пожалуйста, подписку по емейл

  3. Anastasia Efremenkova

    «За посещение надо платить — в зависимости от правил каждого зала. Смешно, но в России спортзалы одни из самых дорогих в мире. Например, в США в центре Нью-Йорка легко найти спортзалы за $20-30 в месяц. В Санкт-Петербурге в центре приличные залы стоят от $1000 в год, в Москве — дороже.» — ха ха, а в Алмате, я тут живу, год в фешенебельном месте стоит 2000$ — внимание — без тренера, но зато там есть бассейн, сауна, еще чегой-то, собственно, за тем туда и ходят. А тренировки в этих чудо залах с тренером — от 35$ за раз. У меня просто зал, без наворотов, но со всем необходимым и тренером в комплекте обходится в 130$ в месяц, соответственно, год — чуть меньше 1600$. Вот я и думаю, может в Нью Йорк переехать?)))

  4. Ollie

    Я думаю и дома заниматься — вполне достаточно. Мне не жаль денег на залы и время я найду. Но как питаться 6 раз в сутки я не понимаю, при том что еще и на работу ходить надо 🙂

  5. Anna Marchenko

    из статьи следует, ну, из первой ее части, что достаточно делать базу, чтобы решить почти все проблемы. Т.е. я делаю тягу, присед и жим, и отдельно пресс качать не надо?

  6. Julia Kuderova

    Достаточно делать базу, чтобы прорабатывать абсолютно все группы мышц, вы правы. Но подсобные упражнения тоже нужны. Упражнения на пресс как раз из этой серии. Просто нужно понимать зачем его качать. Если для того, чтобы живот был плоским, то это не к спорту ,а к питанию вопрос. Нагрузка помогает мышцам стать сильнее и объемнее, а значит они будут заметнее при бОльшем количестве жира, но размер талии останется прежним, пока не сойдут жировые отложения.

  7. Blake Spencer

    а у нас зал 50 рублей занятие, вроде норм

  8. Vlad Podgorniy

    первое видео в статье эпичный фейл — нельзя выгибать спину, тысячи людей получают себе со временем усиление поясничного лордоза и хронические боли в пояснице, спина должна быть не прогнутой, а ровной

  9. Татьяна Татьяновна

    Поиск спортклуба устарел. По крайней мере клуб на Профсоюзной уже закрыт.

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